Deeper

I’ve lately found myself frustrated that I have nothing even remotely deep or profound to type about in this little blog. I suppose you could call it a “dry spell” of sorts – but I don’t think it’s due to a drought; I think it’s due to a lack of just “stopping to drink” – or feeling able to stop and drink.

Many of my days seem to be filled with a multitude of tasks that, while simple in and of themselves, furiously run together, one after the next, until they fill my day to (and over) capacity: waking the baby, feeding him every 3 hours, changing diapers, doing laundry, folding laundry, putting away laundry, putting baby down for his naps, cleaning at least one room of the house (my goal for each day), washing dishes, working, planning for co-op, trying to stay in touch with friends…all the while trying to ensure that I get the meals that I need, a shower (though blow-drying my hair is optional), and (oh yes!) that I love and pour my life into the beautiful little boy God has entrusted me with.

(and then, of course, nine nights out of ten I find myself – like tonight – sitting in a house with several baskets of laundry yet to be put away, a couch piled with stuff I’d meant to clean up today, a kitchen that is still somehow messy even though I just cleaned it this morning…etc).

What I’m discovering is that, if I’m not careful, I can get so caught up in the flurry of duties that fill my days that I forget why I’m doing them…Who I’m doing them for…until a week goes by and I feel like a hollow shell of a person, performing menial tasks…and I can’t quite remember why!

The truth is, I have one of the most rewarding careers a person could have – but I’m not “self-employed”. I was hired by God. He’s my boss. He’s given me quite a workload, at the moment, but it’s one with a purpose: to glorify Him. To raise a baby to glorify Him. To keep a home so that my husband can have a place where he can relax each night so that he may go back to work the next day glorifying Him. Colossians 3:23 – Whatever you do, do it with all your heart – Unto the Lord, and not unto men.

In fact, no matter what our earthly career is, as Christians we are all “hired” by God, aren’t we.

When I start to forget Who I’m working for…when I inadvertently begin working for no one but myself…this is when that feeling of emptiness hits.

The tasks aren’t going to go away – Heaven knows they need to be done, but maybe if I keep myself reminded of why I’m working, even thanking God for the chance to do it – even as I clean up another poopy diaper or scrape the inside of another dirty cereal bowl – I will find more joy in what I’m doing. Maybe I’ll become just a little bit more of a Mary than a Martha. Maybe this is the key, for one so busy, to ending those “droughts within”.

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6 responses to “Deeper

  1. I love that a shower is still in your dayplan but blowdrying is optional. My life is a shower once every few days is the weekplan- blowdrying ? Impossible! You are encouraging Nikki. Love you

  2. Yeah, the shower thing is still an option because he’s not yet mobile. I can just put him in his crib and jump in the shower for 5 minutes. Once he’s mobile, all bets are off.
    As far as blow-drying…rarely happens. I have this towel-headwrap thing for after showers, and yesterday I was still wearing it at 5 pm.

  3. Once he is mobile, could you put him to play in the bathroom with you? *But make sure the door is locked so he can’t get out!*

  4. thanks for sharing, Nikki. i totally feel like that sometimes, and i don’t even have a baby! it’s always good to know that you’re not alone in how you feel, and i know God understands that we’ll feel like that sometimes – we’re human, after all. i think your perspective is a good and helpful one, and i’m going to try to think that way more myself. see you next week, i hope!

  5. The shower/make-up/fix hair thing will remain a challenge all your childrearing years. After a while you get used to leaving the bathroom door open whilst using it – to remain accessible, to hear the baby cry, to stay somewhat connected with your charges. Enjoy every minute. As you’ve already discovered, time flies!
    I’m so happy you’re loving being a mom. It is the best!
    Love, Diane

  6. Thanks Nikki! It’s always nice to hear that and be re-reminded (re-reminded…does that make sense?? It’s kinda late at night 🙂 ) of why we’re doing what we’re doing.
    I’m glad you love being a mommy…it’s so great isn’t it!!??

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