I Am the Zombie

In any given social setting right now, I am easy to spot. Let me tell you which one I am:

I am the zombie.

I am the one sitting passively on the couch, with a glazed over look in my eye, simply trying to stay awake, trying to stay focused, and unsure of how to hold any semblance of a conversation.

A full day in the house (after a couple of hundred bitterly cold winter days spent primarily in the house) will do this to you. So will 5 1/2 months of less-sleep nights. Combined, they are a deadly force to one’s social skills.

When it is time to small talk, I am virtually useless. I can’t think of a decent word to say, for all that is on my mind is that my baby finally filled his diaper after a couple of days of…um…difficulty. This simply is poor fodder for small-talk—however I can’t seem to move my brain to a different topic, and am desperate. So I bring it up anyway. It is received with pleasant yet slightly tentative smiles and nods. The conversation ends. Awkward.

I then think of about twelve other more obvious questions I could have asked the person.

When it is time for a group study discussion, I am the one whose mind is virtually a fog. The conversation around me is growing interesting. I have opinions to contribute; I know I do. Deep, profound thoughts. They are swirling about in my brain, back and forth, making me dizzy. They are on the tip of my tongue…but, alas — I can’t quite get the words out.

I am reminded of the wedding scene at the end of “What About Bob” when Richard Dreyfuss is stuck in the wheelchair, desperately trying to conjur up the strength to object to the marriage – but doesn’t manage to stand & proclaim “I OBJECT!” until immediately after they couple is pronounced married.

Just a little too late.

Or, worse, I try to get my profound opinions out, only they seem to escape my lips in a confusing jumble of disconnected thoughts, eliciting even more polite smiles and nods. I retreat back into my semi-catatonic state.

I am the zombie. A mommy-zombie.

(Come to think of it, I kind of felt like this before I was a mommy, too!)

Oh well. 🙂