True Confession #8564

I need to confess something — it’s nothing profound, and rather embarrassing. It’s probably not something I should admit to, but I’m going to anyway:

I’ve got a thing for local cable access TV.

Have you ever caught any of the shows on it? Basically, the beauty of cable access is that ANYONE can create and broadcast a TV program about ANYTHING they want (well, within reason, of course). The results are often (in my qwirky opinion) hilarious.

Now, let me clarify: I don’t plot my day around any of this programming, nor do I ever sit through an entire episode of anything on it. However, if I happen to be “channel surfing” as I’m feeding Will, every once in awhile I’ll linger for an extra moment or two on one of the local channels, just to see what today’s offering is (and to see if I can get a chuckle).

Anyway, here are some of my favorite recurring cable access shows:

  • The one with the lounge singer who looks like a combination of John Piper and my uncle Pat. 🙂 His background set consists of a black curtain with a fake plant sitting in front of it, and his show consists of him singing one lounge standard after another, accompanied by performance tracks. His vocals are mediocre at best, but judging by the level of enthusiasm he displays in his performance, you’d think that ol’ blue eyes himself was there.
  • The one with the old lady in the rocking chair who plays guitar and prays for the healing of every malady she can possibly think of (and, really, you can almost see her thinking of every malady that she can as she is praying…it usually takes several minutes) – from blindness to sickle-cell anemia to gingivitis,  she prays that for every reason that anyone anywhere will be healed of everything and anything that they could possibly be suffering from (and if you set your bottle of olive oil on the TV set while she is praying you will get a special blessing). (*I secretly do think she is probably very sweet and full of innocent faith…but the generic nature of her prayers is kind of funny, and it’s fun to guess what malady she will name next :)).
  • Anyone featuring people square dancing or polka dancing. They just seem to be having so much fun. And it’s fun to see people bouncing around the room to polka-music in ridiculous outfits while wearing perfectly expressionless faces.
  • The one with the older couple going about town and interviewing different people. The other day I saw them interviewing a couple that was part of a Chanhassen dinner theatre production. They were the two most arrogant actors I have ever seen…they were talking themselves up and acting as though they were being interviewed on “Inside the Actor’s Studio”  instead of on a chintzy cable access show. It was literally like watching a Christopher Guest movie. Anyway, then on today’s episode, the older couple visited a Zen garden & walked a labyrinth.

And really, I could go on and on…OK, not really, I don’t watch a lot of cable access. Truly. But some of these shows are so bizarre and unique that somehow I feel they are worth mentioning. So I did.

And now the question arises: do I hit “publish”?

Ah, why not. I’m already a misfit anyway!! 🙂

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