Please Don’t Look at My Feet

Many have asked me if those are my lovely feet gracing the top of this blog.

OK, so no one has really asked me that. But I’ve hoped that people would ask that — no, I’ve hoped that they just assumed they were my feet.

But they’re not.

The feet at the top of my blog are lovely, silky smooth and graceful. I especially love how the big toe on the left foot is tilted up, ever so slightly. They look so delicate in the lovely jewel-studded sandals…light and airy. Beautiful and fair. 

My feet on the other hand…well, I’ll spare you the details. You may be eating. 

Let’s just say that before my pregnancy, I at least made an effort to keep my feet looking reasonably nice. Then suddenly a large, pregnant belly loomed between my eyes and my feet, and I forgot I had feet. And I couldn’t really bend over to take care of them, anyway.

I like to use that excuse, but really, there is none. I’ve just let my feet get, well, gross.

I mean, who wants to paint their nails when the sun is shining and there are babies to chase and food to cook and (yes) blogs to type?

About a year ago, a friend posted this cute little email forward on her blog. I thought it was kind of funny, though, secretly, felt very self-conscious as I read it. I’ll post it here, with a twist: I’m pretty sure I am breaking almost every rule on this list.

And that’s about all you need to know about my feet.

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the rules
when wear wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
 

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over
and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides
and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. 

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. 

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. 

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe. 

I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. 

If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. 

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. 
Scholl’s if my feet need him. 

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low 
price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This 
is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk 
properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down
with me as I fall and break my ankle. 

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell 
and begin to look like Vienna sausages. 

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that
her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look
good. 

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip 
and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT
to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. 

I will promise to go my local nail salon at least once per season and 
have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny). 

 

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs 
of wear… nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals. 

FOOT UPDATE: Thanks to a trip to Target, a package of nail files, a new foot scrubber thing, a bottle of Sally Hansen Diamond-Strength polish and 5 minutes this morning, my feet are just a bit more pampered than they were before. Even I couldn’t take it anymore. 🙂

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One response to “Please Don’t Look at My Feet

  1. Cute!

    Actually, I WAS wondering if those were your feet — and I just assumed they were ….. now my thoughts are ruined! (Kidding……….. 🙂 ………… your description, while vague, is exactly what my feet look like! :))

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