The Mom I Want to Be

Today I was reading a blog written by another mommy in blog-land. It’s a blog that I very much enjoy, however I must confess that today’s post left me feeling a bit…inadequate.

In this post, you see, the mommy detailed her habits in feeding her family. Her menu contained lots of ingredients like flax-seed meal, steel cut oats, hard-boiled eggs, nut butter, and a whole array of organic and nutritious food items which she has managed to present to her children in recipes that they seem to thoroughly love.

It made me think about the kinds of things I serve my family. Wholesome, organic things like…Yoplait yogurt (the kind loaded with sugar). Taco soup. Fish sticks. Cheese sticks. Gerber’s microwavable meals. And, at least once a week, frozen pizza.Not the fancy, healthy kind, mind you – I’m talkin’ Tombstone, baby. And the only nut butter in our house is the cheap-o, CUB, peanut kind that is too greasy on top and that I’m quite frankly scared to eat right now.

Not that I avoid serving healthy food – quite the contrary. We eat lots of fruit in our house (nothing fancy – grapes, apples, bananas…) and I’m even known to shop the organic aisle now and again (YoBaby yogurt, Annie’s bunny crackers, etc.). Oh yes, and I always am sure to buy the “unsweetened” Applesauce — does that count for anything? It also helps that our son doesn’t seem to like sweets (which causes us to wonder if he is, in fact, our son).

Still, I wouldn’t know a flax seed from a steel-cut oat, and whenever I try to hard boil an egg it inevitably comes out too runny.

An organic mamma I am NOT.

But oh…the part of me that WANTS to be. There is a piece of me that things it would be SO GREAT to consistently serve my family amazing, organic meals…to bake my own bread…

And while I’m at it, I’d like to know how to knit and sew and paint and take amazing pictures and wear funky scarves on my head and have a wardrobe of bohemian, flowy, flowery skirts and write and record really funky, beautiful acoustic children’s songs and make cool jewelry I could sell on Etsy and scrapbook every detail of our family’s life in an amazing, artsy way and have my kids dressed in really neat and funky kids clothes and have our home perfectly decorated, and…

…there is a part of me that just wants to be a cool, artsy mom…and feels so inadequate that I’m not.

A couple of years ago I was at a friend’s baby shower, and a piece of advice was given to her that has stuck with me.

She was reminded that, as a mother, she will inevitably be pelted from all angles with opinions on just how she should be a mother – but the only opinion that really matters is Jesus’.

“Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, unto the LORD, not unto men.” -Colossions 3:23

In the same way that it is so tempting to allow the opinions of others to try to shape me, it is so easy to allow my opinion of myself – how I measure myself compared to others – to shape me. According to that verse in Colossions, this cannot be.

And so I must face reality:

Sure, I can learn to knit and sew…and have fun taking pictures…and play music…and scrapbook when I can…perhaps I’ll even peruse the organic aisle a bit more often than I used to, for fun.

But the reality is that I don’t have a lot of time right now; I’m 7 months pregnant and increasingly uncomfortable; worn, stained maternity jeans and tops will have to suffice instead of bohemian skirts for the time being; and quick (but somewhat nutritious) meals will be just fine to serve my family.

The big questions I really need to be asking myself are:

-am I loving and honoring my husband?

-am I modeling and teaching Jesus’ love to my children?

-am I a faithful friend? daughter? sister?

-am I honoring and striving to please Jesus above all else?

This is the mom I want to be.

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5 responses to “The Mom I Want to Be

  1. You’re right on! Love it!

  2. Nikki – I can relate, I can relate, I can relate. You are right on though. Truly, it is our heart that matters most. There are and will be PLENTY of things to feel guilty about in parenthood (wait until your kids get older!)….but that is not what God wants. He wants our heart. And He’s got yours. : )

  3. I’m with you! How many times have I felt like an inadequate mom because I don’t do things like “so-and-so” does?! Let’s see… strictly organic foods or whatever-is-available-at-Cub foods? Vaccinate or not vaccinate? Work or stay home? Public school or home school? [As if there is THE perfect “mom model” outlined somewhere for us to follow!] I have often had to remind myself, 1) that God didn’t ask me to be Mrs. Johnson or Mrs. Smith… God asked me to be Mrs. K… and He CHOSE me to be mom of these two little boys — with a specific purpose and a plan behind it!! and 2) that God doesn’t play favorites… we’re all sinners saved by grace, and He loves us all in the same way: dearly!

    I think the four questions you asked at the end of your post are most pertinent and meaningful. Not much else matters beyond that!

    So anyway… all that to say, I think you’re doing a great job, Mom — just as little ol’ you! 😉

  4. You need to have this post published somewhere, Nikki. Some kind of “Mom magazine”….. my guess is that SO many Moms would shout out, “Who is this lady? She’s great!!!”

    I LOVED this!

  5. I’m not a mommy yet, but I do still have those feelings (just as a woman). I have read so many blogs that inspire me. They were the cute skirts, like you say, and bake, home teach, knit, garden, etc. I have found that I can only handle 1 thing at a time. I’ve got a few skirts. Thats some where to start 😉

    I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. Your kids are so beautiful!!! Congratulations on your new baby girl!!!

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