I’m not generally what you would call outgoing. Sure, I enjoy meeting new people and I warm up fairly quickly when making new friends — I’m just not big on approaching them FIRST. It kind of freaks me out. OK, it REALLY freaks me out. Holy fear of rejection, Batman! Looking back, I think this is why most of my closest friends over the years have been extroverts — they approached me first!
Yeah, confidence is not exactly my strong suit — the confidence to act on the spot, without a script of some sort, at least. Put me up on a stage, give me a script to recite or notes/words to sing — I’m good. Otherwise, um, no thank you. Gotta have a script. This is why I will never be in Comedy Sportz or any other improv troupe (also I’m not that funny, but I digress)…
ANYWAY, the reason this is all coming up for me is that the neighborhood Bible study I am a part of has decided to put on a little Christmas tea for the ladies on our street in a few weeks…just a time to gather together, get to know one another better, read the Christmas story and ponder the true meaning of Christmas. It will be a nice time and I’m really looking forward to it. The only thing I’m terrified about is that I’ve been asked to deliver the invitations. By hand. Door. To. Door.
I’d be totally comfortable with designing the invitations…or addressing them and popping them in the mailbox…or even putting together a little e-vite…but hand delivering them? Offering my neighbors (most of whom I’ve yet to meet or don’t know very well) a warm smile, and an unscripted invitation to our gathering? I’m nearly breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it. Or hyper-ventilating a little. Or both.
It’s in those types of situations where the lies start to pour in, isn’t it. The insecurities. Suddenly I’m hyper aware of my extreme and seemingly-constant awkwardness, or how funny I might look, or how unfashionable I am. Stuff I normally wouldn’t care about suddenly is magnified and my tongue gets all tangled up.
SO….this is exactly why I told my neighbor who asked me that I’d be happy to do it. I told her it scares the living daylights out of me, but so help me I will do it.
Goodness, if people DIE for their faith, surely I could hand out a few Christmas tea invitations!
What about you? Have you ever resisted the urge to hide? How’d it go for ya?