Ever Wanna Hide?

I’m not generally what you would call outgoing. Sure, I enjoy meeting new people and I warm up fairly quickly when making new friends — I’m just not big on approaching them FIRST. It kind of freaks me out. OK, it REALLY freaks me out. Holy fear of rejection, Batman! Looking back, I think this is why most of my closest friends over the years have been extroverts — they approached me first!

Yeah, confidence is not exactly my strong suit — the confidence to act on the spot, without a script of some sort, at least. Put me up on a stage, give me a script to recite or notes/words to sing — I’m good. Otherwise, um, no thank you. Gotta have a script. This is why I will never be in Comedy Sportz or any other improv troupe (also I’m not that funny, but I digress)…

ANYWAY, the reason this is all coming up for me is that the neighborhood Bible study I am a part of has decided to put on a little Christmas tea for the ladies on our street in a few weeks…just a time to gather together, get to know one another better, read the Christmas story and ponder the true meaning of Christmas. It will be a nice time and I’m really looking forward to it. The only thing I’m terrified about is that I’ve been asked to deliver the invitations. By hand. Door. To. Door.

AAAAAAAAK!

I’d be totally comfortable with designing the invitations…or addressing them and popping them in the mailbox…or even putting together a little e-vite…but hand delivering them? Offering my neighbors (most of whom I’ve yet to meet or don’t know very well) a warm smile, and an unscripted invitation to our gathering? I’m nearly breaking out in a sweat just thinking about it. Or hyper-ventilating a little. Or both.

It’s in those types of situations where the lies start to pour in, isn’t it. The insecurities. Suddenly I’m hyper aware of my extreme and seemingly-constant awkwardness, or how funny I might look, or how unfashionable I am. Stuff I normally wouldn’t care about suddenly is magnified and my tongue gets all tangled up.

SO….this is exactly why I told my neighbor who asked me that I’d be happy to do it. I told her it scares the living daylights out of me, but so help me I will do it.

Goodness, if people DIE for their faith, surely I could hand out a few Christmas tea invitations!

~gulp~

What about you? Have you ever resisted the urge to hide? How’d it go for ya?

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5 responses to “Ever Wanna Hide?

  1. Since we are the hands and feet of Christ, don’t you think that He will be going with you? This is God ordained to get out of your comfort zone and God ordained to share your fear with others! If you bring W or S with you, that would probably break the ice and let the neighbors know that you aren’t selling something….We had a neighbor girl come to the door selling something for her school and B told me, “I don’t care what she is selling – she’s so cute – buy it! And the blessings when you get to know those living around you will be so worth it! Also, next time, it won’t seem so strange and before you know it, you will be the head of committees, key note speaker, maybe even a politician!! (OK, I got a little carried away there.) Remember that when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you will fear no evil, for He is with you…(Ps 23)

  2. I remember the first time to Marie Sandvick. Completely out of my comfort zone, didn’t know what to do, how to talk etc. Scared out of my mind. However, by the end of the evening, and at the final prayer session, I was hooked. God had taken me to a place that needed help and serving and brought me out a better person. I’ll never forget the year I spent serving monthly down there. I was the most life changing thing I’ve ever done.

    You will do great with this Nikki. Smile, laugh and be your loving self. You are a masterpiece!

  3. Nikki, you will be fantastic! You have such a genuine love for people, a great smile, and you can always bring Will with you to close the deal. 🙂 Also, if God can use Moses – who was scared of speaking in public – then of course He can use you.

  4. Thanks, friends!

    Libby — great reminder!
    Karen — perfect example!
    Sarah — thanks for the encouragement!

  5. You have some very encouraging friends, Nikki! What can I say that could follow that up?? Except that I know how you feel. (Personally, I’ve always struggled with geekiness myself — and more than ever, I feel pretty dowdy in my plain old “mom attire.”) But the cool thing is, YOU get the honor of talking to each of the women invited — even if you’ve never seen/met them before — and then when you see them again (especially if they come to the Tea) they will be so glad to see YOUR friendly, familiar face!! 🙂 I just know God will bless it in really cool ways! Oh, and for the record, I’ve never been aware of any “awkwardness” as you described or thought you looked “funny”! Frankly, I’ve always looked up to you as a very talented musician and a God-loving woman!

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