It has been a long week. This baby within me is growing, as is my physical discomfort. Contractions — the painful kind — started making their appearance on Wednesday, and and have returned sporadically since then. I’m achy. I’m tired but I can’t sleep. Insomnia + achiness does not a good night’s sleep make. Going to bed has become the most un-restful part of my day. I’m tired of not being able to carry my babies or snuggle close with them on my lap, as they have been asking me to. I can’t keep my house very clean, and caring for the physical and spiritual needs of my kids has become a challenge. I have been blessed with a lot of help and understanding from my wonderful family and husband, but still — I have been ready to move on to the next stage of all of this…focused on hoping that baby N will be here soon (that hope increased by the fact that my other two babies arrived a couple weeks early) so that I can once again be comfortable and feel like the mom I want to be….
…but then I’ve been reflecting on a conversation I had on Thursday morning with a new friend from my Bible Study Fellowship group. We were talking about how I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, and though I can’t remember her exact words, she made a comment to the effect of “Just think of how bittersweet it will be to finish this stage of things”. At first I thought she was talking about pregnancy itself, so I said “Yeah…I’m sure I’ll miss feeling the baby move, and all of that…”, but then she explained that she was talking not only about pregnancy itself, but about this stage of family. These are the last few weeks (days) when we will be a family of 4 — when my two kids will be the only two kids. Once the baby is born, things will forever be different — GOOD different, but different.
So…with that thought in my mind, I want to focus on savoring this time as best I can before things change. I am uncomfortable and I don’t know how I can possibly make it for 4 more weeks until my due date…but I pray that I don’t lose sight of the fact that there is so much to treasure and enjoy, even in this moment when it’s so easy to focus on what’s next.
And I’m pretty sure this is a life lesson I’ll need to remember even after this baby has arrived!